


Lifelines

by Wolfstar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:16:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2418068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfstar/pseuds/Wolfstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of betrayal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lifelines

The quiet can be an oppressing heavy weight that steals from the air from your lungs. Tonight, however, the silence began as a relief. Bathed in moonlight, the petite redhead crept up the stars, wincing at every loud footfall against the stone floor. 

As she rounded the corner, a relieved sigh escaped when the slumbering painting of the Fat Lady came into view. 

Tapping lightly against the frame, she guiltily met the eyes of the entrance guardian. “Tut, tut, out a bit late are we,” the Lady remarked around a swallowed yawn, as the frame released from the door with Lily’s soft response of the password. Gently stepping across the threshold, shoulders beginning to relax in the familiar space, she made to dash up to her room when a flicker of light stilled her footsteps. 

It had become commonplace to see Sirius Black down in the common room late at night. He sat by the dying fire, legs drawn up in a huddled position with one arm wrapped tightly around his knees. The boy’s familiar figure was not what had drawn Lily’s attention, but rather the object gripped in his hand. 

Bathed in the fire’s glow, the once haughty Sirius sat in a classic comfort seeking position with a small pocket knife clutched in his hand as if it was a final lifeline. The light bounced off the blade as Sirius turned and studied it from every angle, his intense concentration slowed her breathing. Transfixed by the doorway, Lily could only stand by with the sinking feeling of dread as the night’s events continued to play out in front of her. 

He held the blade with such utter reverence; his field of vision narrowed and fixed on a single point, seemingly ignorant of the tears dripping down his cheeks. Although his dark hair hung messily around his face, she was still able to watch the emotions dance across his face. 

Hate. Fear. Disgust. Shame.

His normally enchanting gray eyes were weary and tired bags had made themselves home below. For the first time, Lily could see the physical results from the fight and consequential fallout. Sirius had always been in peak physical health, muscles rippling, glowing, and eyes that danced with mischief. Now his skin was dull, his hair lacked luster, and the faint outline of his ribs was becoming visible. 

He was deteriorating into an empty shell of his former self. Lily hated it. 

She was once again drawn from her silent observation by the flash of the fire against the metal blade. Sirius had flipped the blade around, grasping tightly at the base, as he jutted out his left arm. 

Her breath felt trapped in her lungs, her mind urged her to leap from the doorway and make her presence known. However, her legs wouldn’t obey. Shamefully, Lily could only stand in dumb horror with tears beginning to drip down her cheeks as Sirius drew the knife level with his arm. 

As metal made an intimate connection with delicate flesh, blood began to seep from under the blade. Only the cadence of his soft whimpers echoed around the room. Biting his lip, he forced his shaking hand to draw the blade across skin twice more, tears now freely staining his face. As the third and final cut came to an end, his grip loosened enough for the blade to tumble from his grasp. 

Clutching his arm, a high pitched keening noise escaping from his throat, he unsteadily rose to his feet and awkwardly moved over to a makeshift bed that had previously escaped her notice. Falling down into the blankets, arm clutched tightly to his chest, Sirius fumbled for his wand and muttered under his breath. 

The bleeding wounds disappeared, leaving behind the appearance of unmarred skin. Setting his wand back down, he reached for the small potion bottle near his pillow and quickly swallowed the contents. Curling into a fetal position, his tears kept falling, broken sobs making his soft words almost incoherent. 

The only ones that reached Lily’s ears were “sorry” repeated over and over, with Remus’s name thrown in. Eventually as the potion started to take hold, his sobs turned into whimpers, and then the whimpers evened out into steady breaths of sleep. 

Tiptoeing, she made her way over to stand beside him. Drawing up his covers, she gently sat down beside him and reached out to smooth his matted hair. Gazing down onto his restless face, she found she could stand no more. She jumped up and fled to the comforts of her own room and pressed her hot face into her pillow. 

That was the first night Lily Evans wept for Sirius Black. It wasn’t the last.


End file.
